On Thursday morning, more than 400 children will walk back through the doors of Silver Rail Elementary.

Their school. The same hallways. The same playground. 4 weeks after a 16-year-old former student climbed the fence, fired through the glass of a locked door, and killed 3 children and a teacher.

Rhoam Summer was 5. Megan Lambert was 25. 2 boys, 8 and 11, whose families have asked that their names stay private.

I have thought about Thursday all week. Because I remember February 28, 2018.

That was the day students went back to Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, 2 weeks after my son Alex was killed there. The building where it happened stood behind a fence, sealed as evidence. Kids walked past it every day for years.

There is no right way to do this. There are better and worse ways. And what the Bend community decides this week matters far beyond Bend.

What Bend is doing

Bend-La Pine Schools did something I wish more districts did. It asked families first. In a survey, more than 86% said they wanted their children to return to Silver Rail. About 85% said they wanted more safety measures at the school.

Experts agree with them. At a meeting with hundreds of parents last week, Angie Moreland of the National Mass Violence Center said it simply: "Avoidance makes it worse." Returning, with support, is how children heal.

"We need to make that decision as a community," Superintendent Steve Cook said about the classroom. He is right. The families who live with that room every day should be the ones who decide what it becomes.

Every community answers differently

There is no national rule for what happens to a school building after a shooting. Every community has had to decide for itself.

Building 12 at Stoneman Douglas stood for 6 years because it was evidence for the trial. Before it came down, I helped lead tours through it for members of Congress, the FBI director and school leaders from around the country. We showed them the door glass, the alarms and the classroom doors that could not be locked from inside. I believe what they saw will save lives.

A building can hold terrible memories. It can also teach.

The invisible injuries

When a shooting ends, we count the people killed and wounded. We almost never count the children who were there and walked out without a scratch.

Researchers at Stanford did. They studied what happened to students after school shootings, and the results should change how every community plans for the months after the cameras leave.

In the Texas study, students were also more than twice as likely to repeat a grade. Years later, students exposed in high school were less likely to graduate, 15% less likely to earn a bachelor's degree by 26, and earned 13.5% less as young adults.

That is why the first day back is only the beginning. The support has to last long after the news trucks are gone, through the first holidays, the first anniversary, and the next school year.

After Parkland, one of the things that helped most was a person. On the day of the shooting, a social worker named Lisa Wobbe-Veit started working to connect the families of injured students with help. She volunteered for months, then became a contracted family liaison for Broward County Public Schools. She was the one number families could call, for everything from meeting the superintendent to where to park at a school-wide meeting.

I wrote about that role in April, in The Cameras Leave. The Families Don't. Most communities have never heard of a family liaison, and few fund one for long. Every community recovering from a shooting should have one.

The questions parents asked

At last week's meeting, Silver Rail parents asked hard questions. Why wasn't the lockdown faster? Why was a kindergartner left hiding alone? Could it have been prevented? Where was he failed?

Those are the right questions, and they deserve full answers when the investigation is done. The district's safety director said the lockdown began within a minute of the gunman going over the fence, and the first officer was inside in about 2 minutes. A parent's petition asking for a school resource officer at every school in the district has more than 3,200 signatures.

Parents also asked about the glass. Officials said bulletproof windows across the district would cost "north of half a billion dollars." That number is real, and it can feel like the end of the conversation. It shouldn't be. Last month I wrote about how attackers keep getting through glass, and about tested security film and laminated glass for entry doors, which cost far less and can buy precious time. A school does not have to bulletproof every window to protect its front door.

What helps children go back

Child trauma experts give parents the same core advice after any frightening event at school. It applies in Bend this week, and it applies anywhere a child is scared.

Keep routines steady. Bedtime, breakfast, the walk to school. Predictable days tell a child the world still makes sense.

Let them lead the conversation. Answer questions honestly, at their level, and don't push for details they aren't ready to share.

Turn off the news. Young children can experience a replay on TV as if it is happening again.

Watch for changes that last. Trouble sleeping, stomachaches on school mornings, clinging, or acting younger than their age are common at first. If they last more than a few weeks or get worse, ask the school counselor or your pediatrician for help.

Take care of yourself too. Children read their parents. Your calm is part of their recovery.

For Alex. And for all of them.

Max Schachter

If someone needs help

Disaster Distress Helpline: call or text 1-800-985-5990, free and available 24/7 for anyone affected by a mass violence event.

If someone is struggling: call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Resources for families and schools after mass violence: National Mass Violence Victimization Resource Center and the National Child Traumatic Stress Network.

Data: Bend-La Pine Schools, Stanford SIEPR and the National Bureau of Economic Research. Learn more at schoolsafetydashboard.org.